No Time To Process

February 15th, 2012

Every time I turn around I hear a new item of news or see a new image on TV or on the internet. I don’t have time to process one thing before I am bombarding my mind with another thing. So what happens to all these things?  Where do they go in my mind? How can I possibly figure out what is cooking when I keep adding to the recipe before it is made?

 I probably do not know a lot about anything now but I sure know a lot of bits and pieces about trivia, crisis, dire circumstances all around the world, crime in my area, something new to be worried about,  be concerned about, be afraid of, be anxious about, to look for, to think about and to watch for. What am I thinking?

So I think I need to turn things off. Shut down the TV, turn off the radio, stay off the computer, and just sit quietly or just walk aimlessly, or just stand up and stretch calmly and or sit and read a nice inspirational book or devotional. Or I could sit and look up at the sky and dream.

I would probably discover my inner self. I might just find me again uncorrupted by all the media effort to engross me and tie me up and leave me to struggle with which scary thing to take on.

So as soon as this essay is finished I will turn off the computer after I check my email, and I will turn off the radio as soon as this program is over, and then I will go in the other room and turn on the TV and get updated before I turn it off. Then I will relax.

How about you?

We Can Make A Difference

December 1st, 2011

Where We Can Make a Difference

There is a compelling need to communicate with each other now at this time. This may be the only place we can have an effect.

We can’t solve the immigration problems in a day or even a year. We can’t correct global warming by ourselves, though we can all do a small part but it takes a grand effort to make a significant difference.

We can’t stop the war alone but we can let our president, and legislators know that we believe it must be stopped and peaceful means sought now.

We can’t end poverty and suffering in the world by ourselves but we can contribute to organizations that work on it.

We can’t fix the global economy crisis but we can manage our own budget. We can’t stop the violence on our streets in the U.S. but we can be cooperative and decent to each other.

But there is one place we can make an immediate difference. It is with our families. We can reach out to those with whom we have issues to forgive. We can call our mothers and fathers and ask how they are doing and really want to know. We can get past the hurried up answer”fine” and ask really? We can get the grandchildren to work with the grandmothers on scrap booking and talking about their lives. We can offer to help with things that are too much for an older person to handle. We can stop by and visit. We can invite them over for dinner. We can pick them up and go to a movie. We can search out what they love to do.  We can email them, call them, and send them cards and letters. We can plan to assuage their loneliness. We can make sure that no one is lonely and left out. We can remember someone who is alone and call them. This is where we can make a difference. Let’s do it. Let’s talk.




Today Is The Day

September 21st, 2011

September 21, 2011

Today is the Day

It has been a long time since I’ve written here on my blog. Has anything changed? Everything changes with the passing of time. But there is still trouble in the world, in our country, and in our families. The wars go on and the economy is bad and people are facing things they never had to face before. It is scary. But we are not alone. We have family and friends and our Creator God to turn to.


Now is the time to come together, to work together, to support one another, and focus on taking it one day at a time.  We may not be able to handle a bad year or a bad month, but we can handle one day.


It doesn’t matter what we did or did not do yesterday or in the past or what we will do in the future, what matters is what we will do today. So take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and do the one most important thing in your life that needs to be done today. Tell them you love them, make that call, check out that lead, make that payment, do the work one step at a time, ask for help if needed, and keep moving forward.


This is your day!

Beyond The Red Lights…

March 4th, 2011


Beyond The Red Lights…

Moving on beyond the Red Lights in the morning I find that I needed to get that all said, but one has to find other things on which to concentrate. So I move forward knowing people face many other things as they age. Facing aging – looking it right in the face may be the most significant issue to address but once faced move it along. Live each day fully and in the present.

Check out the wonder of a brand new day – the gift given to try out new things, check out different options, possibilities, and opportunities. The twenty four hour day is full of them. I call them glimpses of God – like the nudging one gets to call an old friend, or the chance to do something over again, or the beautiful birds singing outside the window, or the geese flying by and honking to each other, or hearing I love you from a person close to you.

There are many more like the premature blossoms on a plum tree, the wonderful sunny day or two after some freezing windy weather, the isolated neighbor one decides to visit, and the surprise call from a grandchild to ask you to buy girl scout cookies. These are some wonderful glimpses of God. Get up and check it out. Take on the brand new day with all its wonders and challenges.


Voice of this older woman

February 5th, 2011

The Inevitable Red Lights in the Morning: December 1, 2010

You know it is getting tiresome -– is that the right word? Or is it getting customary to see reminders of the inevitable? The inevitable being our turn for the fire truck’s flashing red lights, ambulance, with no siren after entering this community. When is it my turn? When will I not be watching the red lights and red truck because I am the recipient of their valuable services? 

One can’t help but notice living here in this senior community aged 55 to 100 plus. The truck just passed by my house. It was stationed about a block away. I saw the red lights when I went out to get the newspaper. I said a prayer for the person who was in crisis and for the family. I have done this many times but this morning I came back in to write about the situation. We have been here for seven years now. At first we delighted in the beautiful area, with its lovely grand lodges, multiple activities, and friendly neighbors from everywhere, many from our home the Bay Area. We all found this wonderful place to light on our way to our next life. Most of us have raised our families, retired from our jobs and careers, and come for either a resort style or cruise ship lifestyle, without the ship and not on the water, to laugh and play and have a ball. Or to settle in closer to our families to take it easy and wait it out -– the inevitable. Some came in very healthy and then had a stroke or a heart attack and everything changed. Read the rest of this entry »

Voice of Reason

August 16th, 2010

It has been one year and a half since my book came out -Voices of Older Women: What You Want to Say - Why You’re Not Listening. It has a good message. It says that older women are talented, skillful, wise, experienced, loving, nurturing, beings whom after the job of raising their families have been put out to pasture so to speak. They are not recognized for what they did and can still do. They are not treated with respect, not called on for advice; in fact they are often the dreadful mother in law referred to by the younger generation. They are not acknowledged for having brains, wisdom, and abilities. They don’t seem to be entitled to a life beyond or after raising the family. It says too that they don’t complain about it – don’t even talk about it to their families. And that the families don’t want to hear about it. They don’t listen and they don’t ask about the lives of the older ones.

I said that there is a communication gap. So what? So if that is the way it is who cares? Read the rest of this entry »

Still in the Middle

March 4th, 2010

We are still right in the middle of life. It does go on after disasters and losses and problems. We can’t really do much to help or change those conditions. But here at home we can make a difference. Our problems seem small compared to the earthquakes and wars.

Many of our problems with families are because of the difficulty with communication. Coming from different times we have different characteristics and values that burden our conversations. If we are aware of the differences we can begin to understand them and learn to work around them.

We need to know that the older generation believed more in privacy and keeping problems to themselves. They were known as the Silent Generation. The generation before them served in WWII, came home and never talked about it. The Boomer generation talks about things more easily.

We also know that now everything is on the table- out there on Face book or Twitter on on reality TV. It seems nothing is sacred. Everything one does is public.  They are talking and texting all the time.

Now that is a generation gap.  I define the gap this way: Generation Alienation Participation. We have all chosen to remain separate. We need to close that gap or at least put up a bridge so we can meet each other somewhere in the middle.  

Here now let’s try to bridge that gap. We can be the ones to reach out to the younger generation instead of waiting for them to contact us. We have the time. They are busy. We can be the ones to initiate talking about communication.

Let’s talk…


Right in the Middle

January 14th, 2010

Right in the middle of your life, your day, you’re trying to take it a day at a time to get your life working the way you want, something happens. Right in the middle of all your terrible problems, like the car needs gas, room needs painting, the kids need a new soccer uniform, you need a new pair of shoes to add to your twenty pair in closet, you forgot to sign up for the class, you need a new flat screen TV, et al, a colossal devastating point seven on the Richter scale EARTHQUAKE  hits Haiti.

I mean it is huge. It is so bad that a whole city has been leveled. There are reports of thousands of people dead, buildings demolished, homes gone, government at a standstill, airport closed, and it is all over the TV and in the news. You can’t get away from the heart wrenching pictures of horror. What does a person do? He wakes up fuzzy headed after being pulled out or crawls out from tons of concrete and looks around. What must he think?

He can’t think. Can’t even remember his name let alone where he is, where his job went, where his family is. What happened; is all he can think, if even that. So I think I have problems. I have no idea what problems are. Let’s face it the worst I have faced in my whole life can’t measure up to what one survivor in Haiti is facing let alone all the other who survived.

So when their heads do clear a bit they realize that they have been hit with a giant huge disaster. All of a sudden they look around and wonder where their husband, child, friends are. Then just a tad out of the shocked state, reality hits. What can I do? I have to find them. Then they start the search but there is no where to look everything is under tons of concrete. Oh my God! How extremely unbelievably impossible to consider.

Read the rest of this entry »

Do Adult Children Really Want To Know?

November 13th, 2009

So the question is, do the adult children really want to know what is going on in their parents’ lives? Regardless of how much they want to know, it is a good idea to have a working communication in order to be prepared for the inevitable long term issues that arise as people age.

We are all in different places regarding our parents. For some, parent’s have passed away, so there are only memories. Some are noticing some subtle changes. Some are talking about health concerns. Some are worrying silently. For some – it hasn’t even entered their minds. Some are very busy with their children and lives and have their parents in the backs of their minds. Some just don’t really want to know because that involves having to do something which they don’t have time for. Or it means accepting the fact that parents are getting older and they may have to face losing them.

Or it means really facing one’s own aging.

Barriers to Communication

So we are in different places. Even if we decide we want to talk to each other. The timing of our lives is different. We have different priorities. And there are barriers to talking such as: Just don’t want to. There are many old issues unresolved. We speak a different language. There are conflicts. We don’t have time. We live too far apart geographically. We don’t see one another often. It’s not the right time. We can always do it later.

There is a senior organization that follows the 40 or 70 rule. They say that if one of you is 40 or 70 years old it is time to talk if you haven’t done it already.

Conversation Starters

So now is the time to talk to start the conversation. It can be as simple as a comment on the telephone.  “Mom I have a friend whose parents are having some problems and need some extra help around the house. I was wondering how you are managing now that dad is gone. Can we talk about it?” 

Or, “since It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you, I want to catch up on what is happening in your life.” Or an email that says, ”Mom and Dad I am looking into some long term care insurance and wonder if you guys have it. Let’s talk about it when I come over.”

On parent side of things, it might be, “Jane, I’m really having some problems with handling the yard work, do you know anyone who could help?”  Or “Greg, I really wish you could visit more often, I get so lonesome now that dad is gone.”

It can be difficult to start but we need to start.

What do you say? Can we talk?


Communication Not Easy

August 30th, 2009

Do you ever have a problem talking to your family?

One of the major issues in the book Voices Of Older Women is the difficulty in communication among family members.  Some of the women I interviewed said that they wanted more involvement with family but were reluctant to tell them that. They may want you to know they need more contact or some assistance but they also found it very hard to talk honestly about real issues of need.

They gave several reasons.

1. Their families are very busy 
2. They didn’t want to impose on them.
3. Didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
4. Didn’t want to get their feelings hurt
5. Didn’t want the adult children to see their vulnerability
6. They didn’t want to alienate them
7. They are not used to asking for help
8. They are used to being independent

Some Parent’s common worries
1. That existing resources will last – they don’t want to outlive their money
2. Purposeless existence – did my life matter?
3. No longer needed
4. Fear of becoming a crime victim – affects willingness to accept help, stay active, or socialize
5. Illness – that can change life in a hurry.
6. Maintenance of home – will they be able to keep it up?
7. Driving – giving up that last bit of independence
8. They don’t want to be a burden

Taking into account the difficulty some older persons have talking about their needs and desires, is it any wonder that sometimes the adult children don’t know much about what is going on with their parents?

The question is do they/you really want to know?